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[EnjoyTheMasti] BEING A COURT REPORTER IS NOT EASY...!!!!!

 

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BEING A COURT REPORTER IS NOT EASY.
IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
(My Favorite)
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
(Another favorite)
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS:
None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral..
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________


And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


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`~` b L u E z `~` ``` giant statue of :: marilyn monroe ```

 

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Can you guess who it is yet? Risqué 26-foot statue of Marilyn Monroe to be unveiled today in the Windy City... where else?

By Amy Oliver

Last updated at 9:49 AM on 15th July 2011


That pose, that dress, those erm, assets...

The 26-foot tall statue towering above tourists in the middle of Chicago could only be one person - Marilyn Monroe.

But that hasn't stopped workers, desperate to keep her identity a secret until tomorrow, placing a rather unsightly cloth bag over the poor girl's head, albeit it one in red, white and blue.


Covered up for now...sort of: A worker puts the finishing touches  to a 26-foot tall statue of Marilyn Monroe in Chicago

Covered up for now...sort of: A worker puts the finishing touches to a 26-foot tall statue of Marilyn Monroe in Chicago

The statue, by artist Seward Johnson, replicates the actress's famous subway scene in 1955 film The Seven Year Itch and will be unveiled on Chicago's Pioneer Court today.

In the scene Monroe stands over a subway grate as a breeze from a train passing below blows her skirt over her panties.

It was shot in New York but as the Windy City, Chicago seems like the second best location for such an art work.

What did you do at work today darling? One man touches up the  statue's under carriage with paint

What did you do at work today darling? One man touches up the statue's under carriage with paint

Breathtaking views: A worker is seen spraying the statue's panties  before the great unveiling on Friday

Breathtaking views: A worker is seen spraying the statue's panties before the great unveiling on Friday

It will be on show through the Spring of 2012.

The stainless steel and aluminium sculpture, which weighs a whopping 34,000lbs, has raised more than a few eyebrows.

Not least because visitors to the plaza are at once confronted with Monroe's pert bottom in gleaming white panties and her perfect pins bedecked in white, open-toe kitten heels.

You missed a bit: Well, Monroe always did have men at her feet

You missed a bit: Well, Monroe always did have men at her feet

Spectacle: The stainless steel and aluminium sculpture, which  weighs a whopping 34,000lbs, has raised more than a few eyebrows and is  sure to be a tourist attraction
Spectacle: The stainless steel and aluminium sculpture, which  weighs a whopping 34,000lbs, has raised more than a few eyebrows and is  sure to be a tourist attraction

Spectacle: The stainless steel and aluminium sculpture, which weighs a whopping 34,000lbs, has raised more than a few eyebrows and is sure to be a tourist attraction

Men have been spotted gawping while their wives get cross and attempt to shield their eyes and lots of people have stopped to take a quick snap of the giantess before she goes public tomorrow.

Not all are happy of course. Abraham Ritchie wrote on Art Chicago Blog the statue was a 'creepy schlock from a fifth-rate sculptor that blights a first-rate public art collection.'

But the Zeller Realty Group, which owns the plaza and now its statue, wants Marilyn to make people think.

...And the real thing: Monroe cools off via the subway in front of  Tom Ewell in The Seven Year Itch

...And the real thing: Monroe cools off via the subway in front of Tom Ewell in The Seven Year Itch

'(Paul Zeller) likes to bring in things that cause a conversation,' said a spokesman from the company. 'They might be controversial, but he likes art that makes people think.'

And if that fails at least her skirt will be a good place to shelter from the rain.











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[Cutee_Group] The New Religion Created by the Living God

 

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